Notes from Crew Quarters: Break Glass in Case of Zombies
In this week's column, we get a taste of our staff's contingency plans in the case of a zombie apocalypse. We also get to note how little mention is made of attempting to rescue friends and family in the face of the living dead...
Tyler Dettloff, Associate Nonfiction Editor
In the case of zombie apocalypse: Return to where I grew up in Michigan. There is a big swamp called the Delirium Wilderness there that can supply enough cattail root, cranberries, fiddle-head ferns, and wild game to supply food all year. The swamp is thick and has rivers that run through it, zombies would sink in the muck because they move so damn slow--gotta be quick to get through Delirium. That's one reason why they turned the defunct Kinross airbase into a prison. The surrounding swamp acts like a moat to keep the prisoners from runnin off. I think I can survive in that swamp moat better than prisoners. And zombies.
Kaitlin Kolhoff, Intern
My plan in a zombie apocalypse is to throw myself into the line of fire. Immediately become one of the horde. Unless AMC is there to document it, I'm probably better off being a zombie.
Josh Brewer, Associate Nonfiction Editor
Assuming zombies function like capitalism, I would flee to the Porcupine Mountains to live with the bears. I would, of course, plan to live in my Volkswagen bus where I might complete my novel before freezing to death.
Ania Payne, Associate Nonfiction Editor
If there was a zombie apocalypse, I would use all my money to hire a boat/plane to take me to a tiny island in the middle of the ocean. I don't think zombies have the motor skills to swim through strong currents, so I'd probably be safe...but if they did get me, at least I'd die happy on a tropical island.
Cam Contois, Associate Nonfiction Editor
In an occurrence of a zombie apocalypse, I would go to my uncle's hunting camp in the Upper Peninsula woods. The UP is a sparsely populated area and there would not be too many zombies around. Also, there would be hunting rifles at the camp to ward off the Yooper zombies wandering the woods.
Paige Frazier, Associate Nonfiction Editor
I have thought about this question in-depth many times. Assuming I had survived the initial onslaught of zombies, and 98% of the population is either dead or a zombie... I would first try to find a U-haul truck. I would ditch my car and steal it and bring it back to a garage near my apartment where I could fortify it and fill it with supplies. I, of course, would nail my cats' litterboxes to the floor in the back and create a bed for them so they could come with me wherever I go. Then I would stuff it with canned foods, flashlights, tools, tents, guns and ammo, knives, extra clothes, etcetera. I would head south. Maybe Louisiana. And I would look for a farm with lots of land where I could grow food. I would also want this farm to have barns so that I could keep animals that I rescued post-apocalypse (assuming that this strain only infects humans and is not a Resident Evil-style strain that also mutates animals). I would fortify this farm as best I could. And the animals and I would live happily ever after. I am from Louisa, Kentucky, a place where there is not much else to do except fantasize about the zombie apocalypse.